week sixteen: two thousand fifteen

2015? Probably one of the best years of my existence. First off, second semester last year was a breeze. Then, I made it to the sectional three-point shoot out and if that's not impressive I don't know what is. After that I had a pretty alright Track season except I don't think my times improved very much which was kind of sad, but I was taken to state as an alternate for the four by one hundred and two hundred meter relay. That was really exciting because I got to warm up with some of my closest friends and then sit in the stands and cheer my little booty off for them. Finally, senior year came around and it literally feels like school just started and that's scary because in just a little while I will be graduating and going to college for some profession I don't even know yet. Senior year has been pretty great so far though, I played some of the best golf I could ever imagine myself playing. I have a real pretty lady friend and we're super happy together which is nice cause seeing some of the couples in the hall we could probably be like them, but we aren't which is reeaal nice. Basketball season has been pretty rough so far though which blows cause it's my favorite and playing like garbage makes me sad. Other than that, it's been a 10 out of 10 year. Also, if Kanye would drop his album soon it would make this year 19 out of 10.

week fifteen: i just want it to snow

Hello there vagabond, Welcome to Illinois the home to bipolar weather. What you need to know about winter here is that it's inconsistent. It is either real cold or it will be pretty toasty, like this one currently. Personally I prefer the cold snowy ones. Why do I prefer the cold and snow you ask? Simply because there is nothing more pretty than barren white ground adorned by trees with snow-filled boughs. And then, the sun sets and I don't know if I've ever seen anything as beautiful, except for perhaps my lovely lady friend. The snow is also wonderful because you can use it as a fridge and to make radical snow forts out of. I'm assuming you've never driven through the snow at night. but I am assuming that you've seen Star Wars. Do you know when Han and Chewy are in the Millennium Falcon and then they zoom into hyperspace? Well, driving at night while it's snowing gives a similar visual effect and it's quite possibly the coolest you'll ever feel.

week fourteen: filthy north koreans

I have been given the most secret of missions in the history of secret missions. The manila folder actually didn't give me a mission at all, written inside was a time and a location. it said "weight room   3:15" which was perfect because that gave me enough time to say bye to my lady friend after school and then get to basketball practice in time, so whoever sent me the notice knew my schedule well. At three fifteen I arrived in the weight room. Waiting for me, was Mr. Fahs. He let me know how he was actually a secret CIA agent who underwent age transforming procedures to get in close with me. His real age, he didn't reveal, but by gazing into his soul through his eyeballs I guessed he was probably around 64 years old. Anyways, the reason he had me meet him there was so we could discuss the CIAs next big project and they couldn't succeed without my help. It was to take down the inside agent that North Korea had installed in our school to try to sabotage America. Honestly, it made no sense to me why they would send them here, but whatever. The assigned target to take out was the Ms. Hudson. After he told me that, everything started to click and I understood why she was such a grammar nazi, gore lover, and a persistent stickler. The plan was simple, all I had to do was follow it exactly and there wouldn't be any more problems. The trick was, during her training the North Koreans used a key word to make her break character at any given time. The word was accrementition. I managed to catch her in her room alone. I muttered the code word and she started blabbering away in Korean. The only word I understood was Kim Jong-Un. I called down to Mr. Fahs while keeping my eye on the intruder, and less than 27 seconds later a black unmarked helicopter came level with the window and two men in dark clothing captured "Ms. Hudson" ,if that's even her real name, and tossed her somewhat gently in the copter. The end. Then  hustled down to the locker room to get ready for basketball. The time was 3:22.

week thirteen: turkeys for days

Honestly, I don't know if turkeys even have thoughts. Also the turkey that my family gets comes from the grocery store and who knows how long it has actually been dead. But anyways, I suppose I'll pretend to be a turkey just for your pleasure.

It was a fine glorious day at Starsong Farm. The clouds were causing a few shady moments every now and again, but for the most part it was sunny and warm. That's when I saw the man drive down the drive way that I remember seeing twice before. Each time I saw him, Farmer Patrick would come out shortly after he left and slaughter the biggest turkeys he had, then he'd take them with him. The turkeys that were left have started to name this day as Turkey Day Massacre Day. I actually came up with that name. Anyways, this year I was the biggest turkey on the farm, so I started sweating cause I knew what was coming. However I didn't regret being the big turkey because I got all the lady turkeys and I got to eat first. I started to devise a plan for my escape. After my plan was for sure fool proof, I said goodbye to my turkey friends and then flew over the fence. The end.

week twelve: Basket Bubble

If I had to invent a game. I would name it something that didn't involve the word ball because I feel like just about every single game has the word ball in it. The arena would consist of a giant trampoline floor, rubbery walls for protection, those blow up ball things we used in P.E., two basketball hoops with giant hoops so you can jump through them. Rules of the game: No trash talking, trash talking results in immediate ejection from the game, Let people get off the ground before hitting them again. Those are all the rules. You score points by jumping through the hoop. Jumping through results in 2 points. There are 15 minute halves and each team has 2, 2 minute time outs. This game is called Basket Bubble.

week eleven: the chicken

I'll tell you why the chicken crossed the road. The chicken crossed the road because he thought to himself and was like "hey I'm pretty sure I've seen everything on this side of the road and it's all very drab and the food sucks and all of the chicken babes are gross and old." So then he got the grand idea of putting one step in front of the other and soon he was walking across the road. (yes I stole that last part from that one classic claymation Christmas movie. No I don't remember what it was called, but I'm pretty sure it involved young Santa.) Anyways, he crossed the road and it was even worse than the other side so he crossed back over and married a nasty old hen.

week ten: reversi

Firstly, I do not condone horror movies because they give me the heebie jeebies and oh dearie those are no fun. Secondly I like to watch them with my friends sometimes, but we never watch any of the classics, so I have no idea about any of these stinkers. But, I do love The Hobbit/ The Lord of the Rings, so alas! this will be a tournament of the villains present in those six movies. Sauron, Gollum, Saruman the White, and Smaug are the main leaders of the competition, but there are also a few uruk-hai, and then some regular orcs as well. There are also a few ring wraiths in the mix as well. This is no regular competition, this is a tournament of reversi. If you have ever played reversi, you know that it is easy to play, but is difficult to win. Anyways at the end of the bracket tournament there were only two players who had been undefeated so far, Smaug and Saruman the White. Anyways you would think that Saruman would win considering he's a powerful wizard, but Smaug won because his greediness helped achieve a total shutout and Saruman ended up not having a single piece at the end of the match. Smaug earned all of the gold and he ate all of the contestants.

week nine: #teamhudson 4 lyfe

Reasons why #teamhudson is better than #teamfahs:
1. Miss Hudson never insults you, unlike Mister Fahs who incessantly insults you
2. Miss Hudson actually comes to your class meetings, unlike Mister Fahs who hardly ever shows up
3. Miss Hudson will show positive feedback while Mister Fahs likes to use negative feedback
4. Miss Hudson is understanding. Mister Fahs likes to make fun of you if you're insecure
5. Miss Hudson will never foul you while playing basketball, but Mister Fahs will foul you every chance he gets
6. Mister Fahs likes to mess with your windshield wipers and your gas can lid. Miss Hudson won't even touch your car.
7. Miss Hudson bakes baked goods for bake sales, while Mister Fahs if anything will go to a store and buy cookies or something lame.
8.Miss Hudson will teach you grammer; Mister Fahs can't teach you anything.
9.Miss Hudson will introduce you to her family. Mister Fahs still hasn't introduced me to anyone in his family.
10. Miss Hudson complements your shoes. Mister Fahs won't even notice if you have new shoes.

But in all honesty, I'm probably #teamdevlin .

#keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame

week eight: the baby shoes

I doubt I will ever amount to the prowess of Ernest Hemingway, but here we go:
             "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
This past week I visited "Secondhand Attire and Other Miscellaneous Items" a thrift shop I often frequent at least once a month. I've made a habit of going down each aisle to make sure I never miss any interesting articles. On this most recent visit, I happened to chance upon one of the most intriguing objects I've found to date. As I was walking down the row with mother and baby items, a peculiar sign caught my eye. It read as follows "baby shoes, never worn." I bought them without a second thought and at the checkout I asked the cashier if he knew the story behind the shoes. The kindly old bearded man told me that he unfortunately didn't have any extra information, but that I could go ask the worker in the unloading station if he might know. Following the instructions, I went back to the unloading station and met with the man. His name was Karl. Karl said that the shoes were brought in earlier today. A seemingly nice mid thirties man brought them in and luckily for me, "Secondhand Attire and Other Miscellaneous Items" has a sign in book for all people who donate so the employees can call and ask if they have any other items that they'd like to get rid of.  Luckily, the middle aged man had decided to fill in his information. Karl said it was alright if I tore out the man's page and took it with. I stopped at the nearest traveler's center and purchased a tri-fold map to find my way to the address he left on the paper. I went to the nearest Starbucks and sat down at an outside cafe table and studied the map. After about an hour I finally pinpointed the location. I got on the nearest red-line L train and then rode towards 95th/ Dan Ryan. I got off somewhere shortly before the loop, most likely the stop on Grand, and then followed the direction I wrote to myself. After a roughly thirty minute stroll, I arrived at a large apartment complex. I found the man's name, Johann Eickhoff, on the directory. I toned up to his apartment and awaited the original questions. What I wasn't expecting was German yelled through the intercom at me. I jumped back alarmed and then started to explain myself. After approximately fifteen minutes of conversation, he buzzed me in, while giving me directions to his room. I took the elevator to the sixth floor and went to the room marked 644. I knocked on the door and a fair haired man opened it. I happened to peek past him and saw a transparent tarp on the ground and was a little distressed, but then thought maybe the man was just doing some painting. I walked in and he hastily shut the door behind me. Johann showed me around his apartment a little bit and then I asked him about the baby shoes. A little bit off offhandedly he said things didn't work out as well as he had planned with his expecting wife. At that moment I started to realize that there was a bit of a weird tense in the atmosphere and I peeked around the corner to glance into the adjacent room where I first glimpsed the tarp. When I saw the bloody streaks on it and a woman's body in the partially rolled up tarp, I ran to the door as fast as I could. Just as I hastily unlatched the locks and burst through the doorway I heard Johann's footsteps coming down the hall. I ran to the stairs, because waiting for the elevator to come would have been the end of me. I jumped down four stairs at a time and then dashed through the entrance to the building. I ran all the way back to the thrift shop and returned the shoes. I no longer frequent the shop. In fact I haven't frequented anywhere lately. I jump at every shadow expecting Johann to be there waiting to tie up his loose ends.

week seven: the shrew from my closet

The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long, rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open. At this exact moment, I knew that I only had a little bit less than a minute to prevent my dream from becoming reality. I happen to be an expert on making a little bit of time go a long way, for example I've perfected my ways by waking up late a countless amount of times on school days. Anyways, in about thirty seconds I came up with my entire plan on how to disengage from the situation and how to maim or at least disable my assailant. I jumped up into a standing position, bringing my thick comforter with me. Then I threw it in a similar fashion to a fisherman casting his net, except I made sure that I let go of my throwing device. Next, I side stepped along the wall to turn on the ceiling light, but left my eyes towards where I threw my blanket. I remembered from my dream that the woman had long nasty nails that she used as a weapon, so as I dashed past her I decided to throw a punch at her head to see if it would disorient her. I felt my fist connect with a solid surface, but i didn't waste anytime to see the effects. As I reached the opposite corner of the room, I grabbed my hand-and-a-half polypropylene sword and swung around while bringing the sword into ready striking position. I completed my rotation just in time to see the wretched hag disentangle herself from the blanket. I swung with all my might, directing the strike at the fiend's temple. The swing struck true and her skull caved inwards from the blow. When her body hit the ground, her festering brains splattered upon my nice white blanket I used to ensnarl her earlier. It was really too bad that it was my favorite blanket. 

week six: frozen: Sven edition

Kristoff has ice. need carrots. I take ice in wagon. need carrots. We sleep in barn. Oooo, carrots! Pretty lady. Oh no wolves. need carrots. Bye bye sled. Ooo little snow man. CARROT!!!! Big ice house. Big scary ice man. need carrots. Pretty lady throws snow ball. run run run. Falling. Big snow pile. Kapoof! need carrots. Pretty lady has white hair. We go see rock family. Kristoff lets's pretty lady go. sad. need carrots. Kristoff changed his mind. We go rescue pretty lady. OHHH!!! COLD WATER. ice melts. need carrots. Yay!! Kristoff and pretty lady are happy. Little snowman. CARROTS!!!!!!!

week five: orca adventuring

Well I would go to the set of Fuller House and there I would meet Robert Lane Saget, also known as Bob Saget. Then after shooting my scene for the new TV show, we would go get ice cream. After that we would go to the mall and ride around on Segways making people jump out of the way. About an or two into this, we would get bored and since Bob Saget is an old man, age 59, we would get a massage from those chairs that you have to put money into but Bob is so famous someone would pay for us. When we get done getting our deep tissue massages, we would go to SeaWorld, see the orca whales, and then buy them all and set them free. Then we would take a swag boat ride and watch them swim out into the sunset. All in all, it'd be a great day.

week four: time is everything

First off, I'm really looking forward to the new Star Wars VII movie. I believe that this is going to be a great movie and will probably be one of the top grossing movies of all time. Secondly, I can't wait for Grimm, Doctor Who and Constantine to come back on. If my parents would ever buy an HBO subscription, I would be super ecstatic about the new Game of Thrones season, even though it starts in a little bit less than a year from now, but alas, they refuse to buy it; so I'm stuck reading the books. The next book in the series also needs to come out because everyone knows "Books are better than the movies" and the same goes with TV shows. I'm also waiting for the next book in the Kingkiller Chronicles to be released.  #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame

week three: Power

This wouldn't be the first time that I'd be speaking to an audience waiting to here what I have say, so you could probably say that I'm an expert about this, but that's not what this crowd is here to hear. They're here to listen to my unfathomable wisdom about Kanye West. I started off the night with my I believe in the power of Kanye West paper, which is actually kind of ironic considering he has a song called Power. Anyways, after my introduction I let the media and audience ask me any questions they wanted to as long as it pertained to Kanye. They asked me almost every imaginable question about Kanye and I answered them all flawlessly. Everyone left after that, but a couple people stuck around after to get my signature. #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame

week two: Unsociable

The main thing that I don't like about myself is that I'm extremely shy. Why don't I like it? Because, it's really hard to talk to the ladies without doubting myself and my social skills. Which, is probably also why I have yet to have my first kiss. Secondly, it's really hard to make friends when you don't talk to anyone and when you do, it is in a really quiet voice that sounds like you're mumbling. It must just be my normal voice, but everyone tells me I'm mumbling, so then I'll try to speak up; I feel like I'm yelling, even though I'm probably just talking at the same volume as regular people. It's extremely frustrating.
#keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingthattreyislame

week one: one week later

This year I am most excited/looking forward to chorus and band simply because we got a new teacher and she seems like she is down to business, or Psychology and Sociology. I really think it will be a good year. My most challenging class would have to be calculus. It's the most challenging, not simply because it's a difficult course, but also because Stone and I are basically teaching ourselves. My one and only special goal is to win a regional banner. I lied. My second goal is to stay as rank one and give the dopest graduation speech of all time!! #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingthattreyislame